This reading group guide for BETTER TO HAVE GONE includes an introduction, discussion questions, and ideas for enhancing your book club. The suggested questions are intended to help your reading group find new and interesting angles and topics for your discussion. We hope that these ideas will enrich your conversation and increase your enjoyment of the book. Introduction Better to Have Gone
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tells a mesmerizing true story about two lovers, their mysterious deaths, and the age-old quest for a better world that has long inspired humanity. It takes place in Auroville, an international utopian community in South India, and begins shortly after its founding in 1968. John Walker, a handsome American man from a privileged East Coast family, meets Diane Maes, a beautiful Belgian hippie, and the two bond over their shared spirituality and dreams of a brighter future. Two decades later, they both die on the same day in a thatch hut by a remote canyon, leaving behind a teenage daughter, Auralice.
Jump ahead to 2004; Auralice is living in New York and married to Akash Kapur, a childhood friend from Auroville. The two decide to return with their two sons and confront the ghosts of their past. Through years of research, interviews, and often painful reflection, they piece together the circumstances of John’s and Diane’s deaths—which, they slowly discover, were inextricably linked to the broader history of the community.Better to Have Gone
explores the human desire for utopia as it plays out in the lives of Auroville’s founders and their early followers. This unforgettable story probes themes of love and conflict, death and bereavement, faith and family, and the often devastating cost of idealism.Topics & Questions for Discussion
1. Discuss the epigraph. How does its presentation of what is real vs. what is possible prepare you for the book’s major themes?
2. Auroville was founded in 1968 and immediately attracted people from all over the world. As the author points out, it was one of over ten thousand such communities that formed in the 1960s. Consider the historical context of that decade—what major political tensions and world events shaped the ideologies of the time? How did they contribute to the desire for flight to a better world? Where do figures like John, Diane, and Bernard (Satprem) fit into this context?
3. All utopias are founded in idealism, and the author characterizes Auroville’s as “the ambitious goals of encouraging human unity and fostering evolution” (p. 1). Paraphrase and discuss these ideals as presented in the charter on page 27. Are they achievable or realistic? Where do you see these ideals upheld in the community throughout the book? Where do Auroville and its residents fall short and why? Do these ambitious goals heighten the tragic outcomes of the story?
4. Better to Have Gone
takes place primarily in India, but in what ways can it be considered an American story? Discuss the Americans who moved to Auroville as well as the American tradition of setting out for new lands and establishing new societies, communities, and even cults. How do these “settler” attitudes play out in India, an independent nation that had only recently broken free from the shackles of colonialism?
5. Reflect on the treatment of children in Auroville. What are the community’s philosophies on parenting and how do they differ from Western attitudes? In what ways can allowing children to “roam freely, with minimal adult supervision” (p. 124) allow them to thrive? When does it become neglect or even abuse? Consider examples involving Auroson, Aurolouis, Auralice, and Akash. How well do you think children were taken care of in Auroville’s early years?
6. Some of the prominent figures in the book chose to move to Auroville; others were born there or brought there as children. How do their experiences and understandings of utopia differ? In what ways are they similar? What drives some of the children of utopia to leave it as adults?
7. Akash’s mother, John, and Diane were brought up by Catholic families in Western nations. The Mother was born and raised in France, and her parents were Jewish atheists. Why do you think Eastern religions and spirituality are attractive to Western people, both those from religious and non-religious upbringings? Can you think of examples from contemporary culture? How do other figures in the book engage with religion, spirituality, and faith? Discuss, in particular, the differing perceptions of the author and his wife, Auralice, both as they relate to faith in general and to John and Diane’s spiritual convictions.
8. Money is a prominent theme in the book. Auroville’s planners estimated they would need $8 billion to build a cashless utopian community for fifty thousand people. The community’s early economic models made many feel uncertain that their basic needs would be met. And while John left behind his cushy upbringing, he also relied on his family’s wealth to finance his dreams for Auroville and Ravena, the mansion he built by a canyon. Where else does money play a role in the book? When does it interfere with the community’s dreams for utopia? To what extent does Auroville achieve its cash-free ideals?
9. The Mother believed the Matrimandir would “be the soul of Auroville” (p. 69). John dreamed that Ravena would be “an offering to the divine, a material embodiment of their yoga” (p. 234). In what ways does the architecture of these buildings reflect Auroville’s ideals, symbolically and in practice? How have buildings played a role in the “soul” of communities throughout history? Which buildings have been important in your life?
10. The author explains that many early Aurovilians believed “in spiritualism’s ability to temper human matter—and biology” (p. 97). How do these ideas about health and medicine play out in the lives—and deaths—of Auroville’s residents? Consider the examples of the Mother, Diane, and John. Can you think of other instances—historical or contemporary—where a person’s beliefs have affected their medical choices? Is it ever ethical to intervene and go against someone’s expressed wishes? If so, under what circumstances?
11. An aspiring utopia is only as strong as the idealism that fuels it, but several moments chronicled in the book threatened the spirit of Auroville. One was Diane’s accident; a man who witnessed the event later said, “It was like the bubble went out of utopia” (p. 171). What other moments in Auroville’s history nearly extinguished the community’s faith? How did they recover? What did Diane’s accident come to mean to the people of Auroville?
12. On page 224, Akash recounts an instance from his childhood where he and some friends taunted two Neutral men. He later recalled the moment with shame, asking, “What happened to the moral compass of my town, this inspired, idealized project dedicated to human unity?” Where else do we see moments of conflict in the book—interpersonal, political, or violent? Which conflicts struck you as unavoidable, and which seemed like lapses in Aurovilian values of unity? To what extent do you think these occasional lapses negate—or at least diminish—the overall project? Why is it hard sometimes to live up to our ideals?
13. The book’s title comes from a letter John Walker Sr. wrote to his son, saying, “I admire you on your pilgrimage. May it have a good ending. But no matter, better to have gone on it than to have stayed here quietly” (p. 249). Knowing how the story ends, do you agree with his statement? John and Diane’s desire to achieve a higher plane of existence in Auroville was filled with missteps, tragedy, suffering, and yet a kind of deliverance. Discuss their story in the context of this idea—was it “better to have gone” to Auroville than to have remained at home following a well-trodden path? Which other figures and groups in the book broke with the establishment or status quo—either outside Auroville or within it—and how did their stories end?
14. The historical narrative of the book is written in the present tense. Why do you think the author made this choice? How did it affect your reading experience?
15. Better to Have Gone
unravels a historical family mystery, but the book is framed in a personal, present-day narrative that highlights Akash and Auralice’s current life in Auroville with their two sons. How did knowing that they returned to Auroville shape your perspective of the community’s origin story and the tragic deaths of John and Diane? On several occasions, the author mentions that he and Auralice had complex motivations for returning to Auroville. After everything that happened, what do you think drew them back?Enhance Your Book Club
1. Watch a documentary about Auroville: City of the Dawn
(2010), Auroville, The Outline of a World
(2009), Auroville—A Dream of the Divine
(2003), or The India Trip
(1971). Compare what you learned from the film with what you learned from Better to Have Gone
2. Visit the official Auroville website (Auroville.org). How does the community today differ from the one portrayed in historical passages of the book?
3. Have each member of your book club research a different aspiring utopia, intentional community, or cult—current or historical—and share their findings with the group. How are they similar to Auroville? How do they differ? Are any of them places you might want to live or visit?