Taro vs Edward

December 04, 2009
Absolutely no one at all has asked me who would win in a fight between Taro, the vampire ninja hero of BLOOD NINJA, and Edward, from those obscure, hard-to-find books by Stephenie Meyer. Which is a shame, because I could answer them very simply: Taro would win. Why? Dude is a NINJA. As we all know, thanks to the mine of valuable information that is the internet, a ninja can whale on anyone's *ss. Even a pirate's. And yes, even Edward's. ESPECIALLY Edward's. Even if Taro wasn't a vampire, he'd win. Has Edward got throwing stars? No. But of course, as BLOOD NINJA teaches us, all ninjas are actually vampires - that's why they sneak around at night, and why they're so super stealthy, silent, and deadly. So since Taro is a ninja AND a vampire, he would DOUBLE kill Edward. He would kill him, and then kill him again just for the hell of it. Let's review the scenarios: 1) Taro is asked to assassinate Edward. In this scenario, there isn't even a fight. Taro finds where Edward is sleeping, scales the wall, breaks in through the window and decapitates him before you can even say, "Jasper, come quick." 2) Taro and Edward fight in daylight. Edward is all, like, "Look at me, I'm sparkling." And Taro is like, "Look at my sword. It's sticking out of your heart. And you didn't even see me move." 3) Taro and Edward fight in the dark. Seriously, this one doesn't even get off the ground. Edward doesn't see Taro coming. The end. Full disclaimer: I actually like Edward and am not ashamed, as a full-grown man, to say I like Twilight too. Actually I'm one of the few people who snagged a copy of the first edition UK hardback, way back in the day - so I've been Team Edward since day one, Twihards. It's just that Taro would totally slaughter him, I'm afraid. Full disclaimer part two: no, it's not for sale.